As I was entering into my second semester of senior year, I knew it was crunch time. It was only a matter of months before graduation arrived. I was stressed already and the semester just started. I had so much on my mind – senior pictures, final grades, where was I going to work, what was life going to be like once I graduated. One thing I was afraid of once I graduated was the possibility of me falling back into a depression again like I did after my freshman year due to fear and uncertainty of what I was going to be doing next. I’ve been in school for the majority of my life. I was so used to structure, being disciplined and always having something to do. Now it was time to enter the real world.
Now that I have graduated, I’m free to do anything. I make my own routine and schedule for the day. I don’t have any classes to attend, homework to do, exams to study for, nothing. It’s my time and I get to use it how I want to. I have the free will to do anything. This is the point where fear, uncertainty, doubt and comparison settled in. I have no full time job considering I had no internship experience throughout my time in college. Compared to my sister who came to college after me, opportunities were already knocking at her door. She started in the Business Opportunity Program at Purdue and had an internship her freshman year and it turned into a full time offer once she graduated. She was set for the rest of her college term and after.
My college journey was different. Being a first-generation college student, I had no blueprint to follow. Instead, I created the blueprint for those who come after me. I am the one who is breaking the generational curses in my family and this is the first one I was determined to break. I started off my freshman year in pharmacy then I went to accounting, and I ended up in marketing. This transition lasted the duration of my college term which resulted in me not having any internships. Being very transparent, even though I have my BS in marketing, I still am unsure what it is I want to do. I went to college, of course to get a degree, but even more importantly, I had to discover who I was. I wanted to answer the question “Who is Aleyah?”. It took my entire college journey to answer that, and to be quite honest, I’m still answering it, but I have a better understanding of who I am and whose I am.
A pivotal moment during my time in college was after my freshman year. In the midst of my depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts, God found me. He chose me. I said, “Yes!”, to God. However, in saying “yes” to God, there came trials and tribulations I had to endure in order to make my relationship with Him stronger. There were times where I had to be comfortable with being alone. Moments where I had to solely rely on Jesus to provide, to heal, and to comfort. There were even times the enemy tried to take me back to where God had healed me from, but the devil is a liar. I’m still walking in my healing and my victory.
As of today, I still do not have that full time job. I have applied for jobs and interviewed for jobs, but I was rejected. The rejection I experienced only means God has something greater in store for me. I’m more involved with my church now that I am officially home. I’m starting a dance ministry, creating graphics for our church services and I am running our social media pages. I’m finding fulfillment in doing these things and that’s all I can ask for in this season of my life. I serve such an amazing God that He is still allowing me to do some self-discovery – even after college. He is revealing me to myself and areas in my life where I still need healing and deliverance from. I’m so happy to say that I am not the person I was 5 years ago when I went to college and I thank God for that! I’m still changing, discovering, healing and accepting. This is Me, and God is still writing my story!
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